United 93 vs Snakes on a Plane

In the space of less than a week (and totally by coincidence, I might add), I've seen two movies at the cinema dealing with life-threatening situations on planes, and I just thought it would be interesting to look at the different ways in which the filmmakers dealt with the same basic premise. Now I'll do this in a point-by-point fashion, just comparing little aspects of both films until we have reached a verdict as to exactly which one extracted the most ambrosia of quality out of the thing-from-which-ambrosia-comes of story. And indeed, it is sentences like that last one that lead people to dependence on drugs like alcohol and toad poison.

So here we go.

POINT NUMBER ONE

United 93 dealt with a shocking, devastating true event that changed the way we see the world, in a captivating way.

Snakes on a Plane dealt with a farcical, ridiculous concept with no grounding in reality whatsoever and did so in a very silly way.

POINT NUMBER TWO

The makers of United 93 had clearly done a great deal of research into the people that were actually involved on that day and obviously had a great deal of sympathy for all of the characters, including the terrorists.

The makers of Snakes on a Plane quite clearly didn't give a shit about the characters except the ones who had large tits or could yell in a very loud, very black voice.

POINT NUMBER THREE

United 93 had a carefully constructed real-time plot with eerily everyday dialogue and human reactions.

Snakes on a Plane used endless, unbelievably inane dialogue as it limped from one Deus ex Machina situation to the next.

POINT NUMBER FOUR

The makers of United 93 had recruited a cast of unknown, amateur actors which lent the film an air of foreboding realism.

The makers of Snakes on a Plane had recruited a cast of unknown, amateur actors which lent the film an air of really bad acting.

POINT NUMBER FIVE

United 93 had a number of powerfully moving moments as the doomed passengers passed loving farewell messages on to their families.

Snakes on a Plane was full of shallow, schmaltzy faux-sentimentality in the spirit of the Hollywood credo that life-or-death situations always make everybody incredibly horny.

POINT NUMBER SIX

United 93, although viewed from the perspective of the plane who supposedly 'fought back against the foreign black murdering bastards', there is a minimum of obnoxious, Americo-centric heroics.

Snakes on a Plane stars Samuel L Jackson, and is therefore a non-stop montage of obnoxious, Americo-centric heroics with the occasional piece of plot development thrown in.

BUT THE FINAL POINT-

United 93 had no snakes on a plane.

Snakes on a Plane did.

THE WINNER? Snakes on a Plane, obviously. Hands-down.