Sam Reviews Public Toilets I: Top Ryde Shopping Centre

Well, following on from my rant about the behaviour of public toilet patrons, as well as my super-normal frequenting of such places, both coupled with my desire to satirise my brother's blog and its "Rate the Oporto" section, furthermore added to by my belief that public toilets really should be scrutinised with the same critical eye as, if not to a greater extent than, we apply to opera and interpretive dance, intensified by the knowledge that my blog is distressingly sparse in and wanting of more posts, indeed Sam has forgotten how this sentence began and so shall end it abruptly.

So we present part I in a series of posts (or rather, a series of excuses for posts when nothing else comes to mind) exposing the highs and lows of the Sydney (and beyond) public toilet system. Each venue shall be marked (out of 10) on:

Capacity (How many patrons can fit per urinal trough, how many cubicles there are and how frequently they are NEEDLESSLY OCCUPIED *Sam wipes foam from the corners of his mouth and continues*, etc.)

Cleanliness (Surely this speaks for itself)

Washing Area (This includes how well the taps work including for other purposes such as filling a water bottle, the overall neatness of this area including water splashes, as well as the drying system provided)

Tszujiness (How stylish, modern or unique the toilets are)

Overall (How satisfied I felt upon leaving)

(And I mean, SATISFIED)

Part I: Top Ryde Shopping Centre (Near the food court)
(Corner Devlin Street and Blaxland Road, Ryde NSW)

Capacity

While I was the only patron at the time, it's nevertheless fairly obvious that if there were a dysentery epidemic in Top Ryde, we would be in trouble. The urinal trough is sub-average size, maybe four people could fit if they were particularly close or if one was a child. But worse than this, there is only one cubicle. Fortunately though, it's one of those cubicles with the door to the side of the toilet so if the door is unlocked and you push it open it doesn't smack into the backside of whoever's in there. 2/10

Cleanliness

Dear Christ, somebody please alert Ryde Municipal Council of the imminence of a cholera outbreak. There is a reason I was the only patron on this day, since there's only space for one person in between all the flies that inhabit this - and I use the term in its deepest and most literal sense - shithole. The toilet-related employees (to call them 'cleaners' or 'maintenance personnel' would both be hideous misnomers) seem to think the solution to this is to put more and more urinal cakes in. I mean there are six in this not-so-massive trough, at least two of which are quite obviously empty of any disinfectant-cum-slightly-banana-scented-air-freshener. And the final crowning glory of this putrid pit of pestilence is that the lock on the cubicle door is broken. I know that's technically not cleanliness but it does add to the overall neglected, I don't give a shit who catches what instantly lethal and rapidly contagious infection from these toilets, feel of them. 0/10

Washing Area

I'd say partly because nobody ever dares venture inside, splash wise this was okay. However, the cold tap on the left sink was broken, and yes, there were only two taps. I mean I know Top Ryde food court isn't the major place to hang out in Sydney but still, gah, poor poor poor. Crappy old air dryers as well. 2/10

Tszujiness

If this toilet were in the middle of a slum in plague-ridden London, I'd still think it was a bloody mess. I mean, quite frankly it wouldn't be too far to wish that this place were walled off as a hazardous waste zone. Useful only as a torture venue. 0/10

Overall Satisfaction

An absolute bloody disaster. You'd be better off shitting on the pavement. 1/10

Ranking in the Public Toilet System: Currently 1st