11 Pages of Utter No Sense

For want of a real post, and because I'm bored, I thought I'd share with the world a conversation had by me, Bec and Cat via Microsoft Word in BAC a few months ago (I just know it was in the middle of the exam period, can't provide an exact date), largely because I know the three of us often refer to this conversation in a somewhat amusing context and it might make more sense if everyone could read it. So although this is going on my blog, it was of course a group effort.

(I have tried to establish who was typing at the start but it gets really hard later on)

Bec:You see the guy with black hair, your 2 oclock, with the black shirt

Sam:Yes

He’s julian, I’ve bumped into him three times now in the space of one week. It must be fate

That’s not such a bad fate… he’s pretty dreamy

I’m wondering should I go over and ask him about the test?

No, I think you should go and ask him to a movie…

Hey cat, julian the choice guy choice bro?

I don’t get it but anyway, oh…..

Hey cat, I bumped into him outside target at Macquarie centre, the one thatsam used to work at, turns out that he LIVES in epping, and has beenworking at target for a few months the same target that’s three shops awayfrom MY WORK!!!!

Woah, freaky… hehehe

Hang on, he just turned around properly, he’s not really dreamy at all, Iretract my statement. PS This is confusing with three people typing, andI’m Bec

NOOOOOOO, my identity has been stolen, I’m THE REAL BEC

Damn you all, you know I’m bec!!

Yeah well I must be Bec because *Bec laugh* see? Nobody else can imitate mylaugh!

No, I’m bec because I don’t use capitalisation….damn Microsoft word autopunctuation thing

Hehehe, you don’t fool anyone!

Yeah, see I don’t use capitalisation either, so I’m bec

Hang on, surely we can learn to share and care, i mean, surely there’s lotsmore bec to go around

Well yes I mean I’m sure there’s a little bit of Bec in everybody…*sings* ‘and a little bit of this and a little bit of that and shake yourbum…’ *claps*

*raps* I’m Bec, yes I’m the real Bec, all you other Becs are just imitatingso would the real Bec please stand up, please stand up, please stand up*stops rapping*

I’ve stood up, *stands up* so I’m the real bec I must be anyway this issillyJulian, let’s get back to him, this is fate I tell you all

Shut up Sam, stop pretending to be me (Bec)

No, sam’s just obsessed with julian, bec, that’s all

It’s so dangerous opening word, it just ends up being a silly conversationhehe it’s funnyJulian is funny

Last time didn’t it turn into a silly one-line-at-a-time hard-boileddetective story instead?

That was classic literature… we need more of that

Money reaping classic literature…or mmmmoooooorrrrreeee studying? Hmmmm

Money reaping! *sings* ‘I want money dododo that’s what I want’

*sings* sugar dodododododo oh honey honey…

Will you be my nasty girrrrrl. Feisty little one

Feisty… or nasty?

Either suits me

But not sweet?

Hello, I’m James and I’m an alcoholic.\\sdlkgjas

Hello james! Are you drunk?

Ioruweoirwiutyoqejdfsnmj wevn, weofj,dcx

Youre a very good player Scripto20.And no, you’re not expected to get that.

Go away you random thing, here we don’t tolerate that sort of randomness!!!

*sings* oh ypu random thing, oh you random thing

Randomly sexy? Hello?? Hello??

No, I think my sexiness happened for a reason.

Am suddenly very curious, for what divinely inspired god given reason?(by the way I can’t believe that sam is managing well reading his lecturenotes AND participating in this)

Why not? It’s like a real lecture

Yeah, you’d be surprised how many similarities there are between discussingepistemological theories of intelligence and this conversation.

You in other words you have been reading theories and also applying thosetheories at the same time?

Oh hell yes. Me very epistemological.

What does it mean? The computer won’t tell me… *sulks* I keep thinking thatother word that means where wordes come from and stuff

I think I know a word that cat doesn’t whoa…..

Well, you see wordes are born when a mummy worde and a daddy worde loveeach other very much…

And then what happens uncle sam??? *bec tugs at uncle sam’s shirt wantingmore information*

I’ll wait till you’re older and can download it for yourself…

So uncle sam, if you have a whole bunch of wordes, what is the proper wordfor a collective noun describing a group of wordes?

I’d say a whole bunch of wordes is sufficient terminology…

Bloody wordes, ther’re too many of them these days, why don’t they all goback where they came from?

/A giant super duper mummy worde and giant super duper daddy worde?

Yes, Bec *pats on head in tentative, oh my God this bitch is fucking insanekind of way*

*bec slaps uncle sam*

*uncle sam starts getting disturbingly aroused*

Ewwww, that’s so wrong, she’s your niece….

*bec slaps cat*

*uncle sam deliberately misreads “niece” as “nice” and says* She’s not justnice, she’s also NASTY.

*bec slaps uncle sam feistily*

*cat brings out the pillows*

*as julian is exiting from the building*

Wouldn’t it have been funny if he’d come over and read this?

*bec slaps uncle sam*

*as uncle sam, a grown man, cries and takes his hanky out*

You must have slapped him pretty hard…

and uncle sam is lost* for words?

Nah nah, ‘WORDES”

Yes, all those bloody wordes went back to from whence they came

Where did the bullet come from uncle sam????

The bullet came out fromnowhere……

No it didn’t, I just shot you cos I’m sick of getting slapped…

Climatic moment in the thing, *bec gets shot, and falls*

Noooo!! Why? She was so young? Bec, bec, can you hear me???

*bec mutters ‘my dying wish….world peace…world pea….’ And dies*

MEDIC! MEEEEEEDIIIIIIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *starts sobbinguncontrollably while looking at blood gushing from Bec’s wound*

Does anybody know CPR? Where can I find a world pea?

In a world peapod, silly.

Ok, where can I find a world PEAPOD?

Good question. But I still say it’s lucky she wanted a world pea, insteadof world peace, for example. Because I have NO idea where we’d find aworld peace.

Hahahahahah ha ha ha…. Yeah… what a stupid idea THAT would be

Perhaps she meant world piece, like, a piece of the world.

Bec you’re dead. Stop typing. And I’m not Bec.

Whereas I’m a recantation of bec, so there!

I was hoping the ambulance would get here in time, and so on, but now itseems we’re stuck with this recantation… recant?...

Yes and instead of the ambulance, we just got a whole lot of ambivalence…

Hello? Can I type here?

Maybe you didn’t die, you just went on a diet, and it was all a typo

Type? Typing typo? It was all a type

Of goose

Ahhh, so this is what they mean by the slipperiness of language

No, they actually mean the slipperiness of LUGGAGE.

Especially if it’s leather, and gets rained on

A leather luggage that reigns?

I’d vote for that

I’d veto that

I’d Danny De Vito that

Danny de Vito’s hat?

Danny de Vito shat?

Presumably at some point

The point of shagging? Shatting? Difference?? (does anybody out there getme?????) (well at least I thought it was funny,…sort of…)

Well at elastic I thought it was.

Well at elastic, I. thought it: “Was”

Was elastic

Well at elastic, I thought it: “Wash”

Elastic washes well

The elastic well washes

The electric eel washers

*shocked* BOOM BOOM

The eclectic seal wishes

(the mitsubushi electric bulldogs)

The elective well wishers

Bee collective shell fishers

She collects sea shells

She sells sea shells by the sea shore?

By the see-saw

You see? That saw?

That store? Youse see that saw?

Youse see dat mofo?

HABIB!!!!!!

El Bashu

El Bash-U

I’ll Bash you?

You’re bashful?

I’m brash-ful

Ful of brash?

Full of trash

Brashy trash, and a little tiny rash?

Brassy trace, and a tinny bass

Barren race and a shiny face

Oooh, deep. Poetic, beauty, SUMBLIME

Darren Hayes and a shiny face

Poetically beautiful sump-line?

Poetically beautiful sump oil

Poetically beautiful strumpet?

Trumpeter with a big brassy thingThing, ‘thing’. Whatchamacallit? Or trupet? Or trumpet?

Mister trump holding the trump card.

Boom boom? Definitely deserved one. Yeah.

Sam and zoned out

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sitting in a tree

Z z z z z z z

Hello, I’m Sam, and I’m a sittinginatree

Hi Sam! You can beat this problem with our handy ten step program

Wait wait, you ARE shattinginatree, you’ve been such a BIG fan of yours

That is, without a doubt, the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard.

Okay, okay, so you’re not, no need to get all aggressive about it

Just cos YOU haven’t had ‘enlightenment’

How to reach enlightenment, now in a handy ten step program

Silly, you start with step one….But if you ring in the next fifteen minutes, we’ll throw in these bonussteak knives!

St ives?

I don’t know if I want enlightenment, but steak knoves… and I’ve alwayswanted to go to St Ives, lots of cats I hear

What’s a steak knoves?

That’s what I want to know. Hence the appeal of winning

Winning enlightenment? What, you say?

Steak knives and st ives? PLUS CATS???? Talk about jackpot(and bigamy)

As I was going to st ives, I met a man with 7 wives, and I asked if hewanted free steak knives

Well as I was going to st ives, I met a man with 7 knives, and I asked ifhe wanted free steak wives.

Well I was going to st ives, I met a Woman

Well I was going to st knives

I met a cat with 7 lives

At st wives?

I met a wife with 7 cats

YOU met a WOMAN?? Tell me about her…

A woman, who was a wife, who had 7 cats, who each had 7 steak knives

You do the maths

Did each steak knife have 7 lives?

7 cats + 7 steak knives = one badass mofo killing machine

HABIB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KEBAB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FELAFEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BANKSTOW!!!!????????

PADSTOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PADDINGTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHERE????????????????

THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ON THE STAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DON’T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF I DON”T SHARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STOP STARING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STOP STARTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STOP FARTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

POP TARTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

POLE VAULTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAUL VAUTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHANTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHANNON NOLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GRASSY KNOLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GRASSY NOEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sings* I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…

CLASSY KNOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GLASSY KNOCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GASSY ROCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

giGANTIC KNICKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FANTASTIC FLICKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nine pages of nonsense

No sense???

No cents???

Nine pints??? Or is that just going too far?

Too far???? Ooo fart (bec loves LOVES toilet humour)

Was just noticing that… *tut tut*

Bec loves aqueous humour

Watery femur???

Wafer-thin lemur?

Waffle linen

mmm… thses sheets are so soft and sugary

Gough Whitlam

Axed prime minister- axe murderer?

Fax machine

Fart machine

Dart board

Fart board haha got in before Bec

Fart hoard

Fart stored

Fart ward

Mark Waugh

Steve Waugh

Phil Waugh

Evelyn Waugh

Feel war? Even A war?

Evener wart??

We started off sane…And now INsane

But I wanted to get OUTsane

And OFFsane?

Or ABOUTsane

Or BEHINDsane

It’s just NOTTHEsame

It’s just not cricket

I know someone who eats crickets, barbecued

CHILLI FLAVOUR

LIGHT N TANGY

But not chicken

Cricket and not chicken

It’s not CHICKEN!!!

Nor butter chicken

Sorry just wanted to look at the in-joke I used earlier…Because couldn’t remember what it was

And it was the “Youre a very good player Scripto20” line

And we were all confused

What are we doing here anyway?

Living and dying

But what’s it all about, really, when you get right down to it?

If there’s been a better note on which to end this conversation, I haven’tseen it

THE END